A Story of Snogging Cheese
by Virginia Wood
Summary: ginny's history of boyfriends, dumbledore & malfoy's budding romance... this has got it all!
1. In Which Ginny Snogs

This is a spoof on the Harry Potter Fan Fictions @ www.fanfiction.net I'll be adding to this so keep checking it. I'm sorry If I insult anyone, but I just can't resist. NOTE: * means thought and ^ means what they're saying. Oh, by the way, my sis thought of some ideas, but most of this story is my ideas.  
Chapter 1  
The Wesleys had invited Harry to come over for the summer, and the Dudleys agreed because they were afraid of Harry's godfather Sirius. The Wesleys deicded to pick up Harry the muggle way... by car. As soon as the family walked in, Ginny fell in love. (gay soap opera music playing. why? because I say so.)  
She gazed longingly into the eyes of a slightly chubby boy. He had beautiful blonde hair and deep blue eyes. Ginny was lost in a deep blue ocean.The boy was feeling similar feelings. *Her hair captures the energy of the sun and her eyes are a lovely hazlenut brown*  
When Harry finally got his stuff together (stupid kid. why doesn't he pack ahead of time?) and loaded it in the car, Petunia came out her hiding spot in the kitchen to say ^ Where's Dudley? You hurt my poor innocent baby?^ Then the ugly woman did a pretend faint.  
^Where's Ginny?^ asked Fred. ^I need a test taster for these new Bananastrawberrycoconutboogervanillachocolategarlicchivevingegar scream puffs!^  
^I thought we were gonna use Percy.^ said George.  
^Brilliant!^ exclaimed Fred.  
Meanwhile, Arthur investigated the house for plugs when he found Ginny and Dudley snogging in the freezer.  
^What the ****! Get off her ya lump, your gonna crush her!^ Mr. Wesley shouted as he pulled out his wand.  
^Don't hurt him Daddy! I love him. He tastes like cheetos!^ Ginny histerically cried.  
^Shut up Ginny! You say that about all your boyfriends. Go love someone worthwhile.^  
^I choose... you Harry Potter!^  
^Huh?^ said Harry. He had no clue what was going on in our developing soap opera. ^Whateva.^  
^Ginny, if you like cheetos that much... Cheezitosis!^ said her dad as he was casting a spell.  
^Oh, thank you Daddy!^ Ginny sat down beside the orange lump that used to be her lover and started to eat.  
Finally everyone got in the car. These are they're thoughts during the ride.  
  
Fred *Let's go*  
  
George *show*  
Fred *Ron's*  
George *secret diary*  
Fred *to*  
George *Herminone*  
Harry *Don't Draco and Dumbledore make such a good couple? Hmmm... Draco Dumledore.*  
Hermione *I wish Fred and George would show Ron's secret diary to me*  
Ginny *Cheesy!*  
Percy *I am so important.*  
Molly Wesley *I have a lot of cleaning to do.*  
Arthur Wesley *Cornelius Fudge smells like my gym socks that I haven't washed since 1973. They have mold on them.*  
Ron *My new diary entry will be... Hermione If only you knew how much I love you. Your hair is like tree bark (the kind we cut up for potions), you have smooth skin, and your eyes are like chocolate frogs. Speaking of chocolate frogs...*  
Fred and George snicker.  
^Get out of my thoughts!^ screamed Ron. 


	2. In Which Ron Blushes and I Don't Have To...

Everything you see in the Harry Potter books are J.K. Rowling's, not mine.  
  
^Where's Hermione?^ asked Harry, who was looking around in a cramped living room.  
  
^She's off kissing that pastry in Bulgaria or wherever it is!^ fumed Ron.  
  
^Oh! Krum is crumb. Ha ha. You must be in a pretty bad mood to think of something that lame.^ responded Harry.  
  
^Well she ditched us! And she's probably sharing all your Quidditch secrets with that no good creep!^  
  
^I doubt Hermione would do something that low. Why don't you just give her a break?^ questioned Harry.  
  
^Because Ronny is in love with Hermione.^ Freddy and Georgie chuckled. (Author: Get the E sounds. lol)  
  
^Am not!^ blushed Ron.  
  
^Spill girlfriend!^ giggled Harry. (clears throat) ^I mean, please tell me.^ he said in a dignified voice.  
  
^I'm not in love with her ok! Let's go play Quidditch.^ shouted Ron.  
  
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Little did Harry know that Ginny was staring at him. *Ahh, those lovely amethyst eyes...*  
  
Author: Get it straight stupid! His eyes are green, not purple!!!!!!!  
  
Ginny: ^Right...^  
  
(clears throat) *Ahh, those lovely ruby eyes...*  
  
Author: EMERALD!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
^I'll skip the eyes^ said Ginny. *And his black licorice hair... mmm tasty.*  
  
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Sorry... that was a really short chapter. If you like my "budding novel" (lol!) then please please please review! I appreciate all of them. Constructive criticism and ideas for Chapter 3 are welcome! 


	3. In Which Hermione Learns A Flirting Tip ...

I do not own anything that J.K. Rowling does. Bend and snap was from the movie Legally Blonde.  
  
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Hermione stared out the window to see proud mountains and crystal lakes. It was a beautiful landscape, but Hermione couldn't help missing England's peaceful, lush green scenery. She also missed the people she loved... especially Ron.  
  
*What am I thinking?* thought Hermione. *I love Krum, not Ron.*  
  
^Vello Her-my-o-nin-ee. How are vu doing my veautiful?^ said Viktor as he entered the room.  
  
^Oh, nothing.^ she sighed.  
  
^Look, I know vu like Ron. Ze National Bulgarian Quidditch team vill show vu how to get him.^  
  
Suddenly, all these boys in fluorescent pink dress robes with glittering hearts popped out behind the walls.  
  
^Bend and snap! Come on Her-my-o-nin-ee! Do va bend and snap!^  
  
Chaser: ^Works vevry time!^  
  
^Vu can do it baby! Hey Beater, nice snap!^  
  
Keeper: ^Vat's it... vork it!^  
  
Hermione was finding this new maneuver very easy. All she had to do was drop and object, reach it, and quickly snap up.  
  
^Yeah! I got it!^ shouted Hermione. ^Can I go now?^  
  
Viktor then hugged Hermione and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. ^Vot till after va finale! Hit it voys!^  
  
(can can music and quidditch players being rocketts)  
  
Viktor singing:  
  
Go follow vour dreams!  
  
Vet dat boy right now!  
  
Vu can do it, just velieve in vourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
^Thanks Viktor, that was really inspirational.^ Hermione stated sincerely.  
  
^Vo, von more thing. If vu can't get Ron, can I have vim?^  
  
^WHAT??????!!!!!!!^  
  
^Never mind.^  
  
Then Hermione sprinkled Floo Powder into the roaring fire and shouted THE BURROW as loudly and clearly as she could.  
  
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I hoped everyone liked it! REMEMBER: Writing suggestions always open. Please click that Submit Review button down there and let me know what you think so far. 


	4. In Which Ginny Is Extremely Embarrassed

Shannon and Crazycutee831... Thank you sooooooooo much! Your reviews really lightened my day. Thank you Mrs. Wood for your very interesting bit of criticism. This is a joke story (it's a parody duh! lol) I know the Dursleys last name is Dursley, but my mind has been a blob lately becauseThanks again Shannon and Crazycutee831!!!!!!!  
  
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Harry, Hermione, and Ron all boarded the scarlet steam engine on Platform 9 3/4. They sat down in a comfortable compartment with Neville Longbottom.  
  
^Hey filth!^ screeched Draco Malfoy. ^Why are you always such a bit**?!^  
  
^SHUT THE HELL UP MALFOY!^ bellowed Ron.  
  
Malfoy sneered, ^Why should I Wesley? You're so poor you can't even afford the hole you live in.^  
  
Harry declared with a cool face, "Malfoy, stop making fun of my friends."  
  
^Of course Potter. You're famous Potter. Can I have your autograph Potter?^  
  
Author: ^God, this kid doesn't give up does he. Hey, Malfoy... YOU BETTER ZIP THE LIPS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE VICIOUSLY TORTURED AND THEN HURLED OFF A CLIFF!^  
  
(silent Malfoy)  
  
Author: ^NOW LEAVE!^  
  
(Malfoy leaves)  
  
Author: ^Chop, chop, back to the story.^  
  
The famous three walked into the Great Hall amazed at it's spaciousness and enchanted sky even though they'd seen it about 100 times. The hovering candles illuminated the empty plates on the polished, mahogany tables.  
  
^I'm starving.^ Ron moaned.  
  
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Ginny sat down whispering with her best friend Ima Bacon. Ginny was now a fourth year, and she had gotten pretty over the summer... well um, prettier than she was before.  
  
^I have gotten pretty over the summer... well, um, prettier than I was before. Do you think Harry Potter will finally notice me?^ the red hed asked while twisting a strand of her hair.  
  
^I don't know.^ said Ima, ^Why don't you go find out!^ then the dumb blonde burst out in a fit of giggles.  
  
Author's Note: Don't get offended at the dumb blonde part, because I'm a blonde. One of my friends keeps sending me all these dumb blonde jokes... DO YOU HEAR ME MARGARET... and it's getting really annoying so i'm just lettin ya kno. why? Because I say so. End of saying.  
  
Then Ginny got up with a smile on her face and walked down to the other end of the table. She walked past Harry not once, twice, three or four times... but five. Still she walked past him, hoping he would finally see her.  
  
^Er... Virginia Anne Wesley... what the heck do you think you're doing?^ inquired Fred.  
  
^Ooh!^ called out George. Suddenly he put the voice magnification charm on his throat. ^Ahem, attention. I would just like to take this brief moment... yes, yes, very brief...^he said, aware of the stares from the teachers, ^to inform all of you tonight that GINNY WESLEY LOVES HARRY POTTER!^  
  
Then Ginny ran in tears to her dormitory...  
  
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like it? TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK: how should harry make ginny feel better? 


	5. In Which A Transfer Student Is Sorted

After you read this, please please please review! If you don't want to, you don't have to say anything. Just say I read your story. Then I'll know people are reading this. Thanks!  
  
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Harry looked in concern at Ginny running from the hall. It's not as if he loved her or anything, it's just that he hated to see people upset. Just then the Sorting Ceremony began.  
  
Just when Harry thought they were done, an pretty older girl came and sat down on the stool. She had blonde hair down to her waist and deep brown eyes.  
  
^Attention everyone.^ Dumbledore announced as he stood up. ^We have an American fifth year transfer student named Catherine Rose.  
  
The Great Hall was filled with everyone's whispers; such as ^Oh my gosh... who's she?^ or ^Hey, she's kinda cute.^  
  
Catherine slowly pulled the Sorting Hat over her eyes, waiting for what was to come.  
  
*Hmmm... you're pretty intelligent so you'd do well in Ravenclaw... but you really are courageous.* ^I SAY GRYFFINDOR!^  
  
Author: ^Well if you said anything but Gryffindor than the whole story would be ruined.^  
  
The Gryffindor table applauded wildly, while the other three houses sat and sulked.  
  
Hermione went over to Catherine who was sitting on the opposite side of the table.  
  
^Hi, my name's Hermione. What was your old school?^  
  
^Shate. It's in Salem, Massachusetts.  
  
Author's Note: Shate is pronounced Sha tay  
  
From then on Hermione and Catherine were best friends.  
  
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Harry was busy staring at Cho Chang. *She's soooo pretty. I wish that guy she's flirting with was me...*  
  
Author: *None of my characters are fallin for the right people. Cho is such a *****! I mean come on, did you ever see her crying for Cedric... I DON'T THINK SO! She's such a self-conceited brat!*  
  
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Ron was trying his hardest not to look across the table at Hermione, but he couldn't help it. *She's so perfect. She's beautiful, she's smart, she's nice... WHAT AM I THINKING? THIS IS HERMIONE I'M TALKING ABOUT, THE PERSON WHO GAVE AWAY ALL OUR QUIDDITCH SECRETS!*  
  
Voice inside Ron: Come on, you know we like her.  
  
Ron: We do not!  
  
VIR: We do too!  
  
Ron: Well she has a cute smile, but that doesn't mean I like her!  
  
VIR: Now we're getting somewhere.  
  
Author: This is one of the things I hate about romance... they never admit that they love each other! 


	6. In Which Malfoy Acts Like An Idiot (well...

I want 10 reviews this time. I won't post the next chapter until I get them! He he he he! I'm a blackmailing author! Mwahahahahha.  
  
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The next day Malfoy was acting all dopey. He kept waving profusely at Harry, and once he giggled and blew a kiss at Hermione.  
  
"Guys... do you think he's feeling all right?" asked Ron.  
  
"If I didn't know any better, I'd swear he's on some heavy duty pot," said Harry.  
  
"Haven't you guys ever read Love, the Handbook? (Author: Nice break from Hogwarts, a History isn't it?) questioned the annoyed Hermione.  
  
Suddenly a breeze fluttered Hermione's wavy brown hair towards Ron.  
  
Author: So what if it's corny, I ? fluff!  
  
"Well I certainly don't need a handbook to love you," muttered Ron. Suddenly aware of the stares he was receiving he loudly stated, "I mean, Harry and I have better things to do than to read some crappy, fluffy book written for middle-aged witches in need of a husband!"  
  
Then Harry sheepishly cast his emerald green eyes downward towards his feet.  
  
"What is this world coming too!" yelled Ron.  
  
"So, as I was saying... I think someone slipped love potion into his goblet of orange juice this morning." declared the studious girl.  
  
"You're probably right," agreed Ron. "Hey, where did Harry go?"  
  
"I don't know. Ooh!" exclaimed Hermione looking down at her watch. "I'll be late for Ancient Runes!"  
  
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Malfoy's POV  
  
I feel so happy and giddy today! I don't even know why. Hey, there's the Granger girl... better blow a kiss! Wow, Harry's looking great today! Omg! OmiGod OmiGod OmiGod!!!!!!! Dumbledore is one hottie!!!!! Oh my God! Did he just wink at me! Oh, you foxy man! Whoa! He smells nice! Like flowers! I just want to go and prance with him! His silvery beard shining, that twinkle in his eyes... oh, I just love him! I love him! I just can't let him go! I have to tell him my feelings... tonight! Draco Dumbeldore... Hey, I like the sound of that.  
  
Author: Oh, go get a room!  
  
Malfoy: I think I will thank you very much!  
  
Author: EEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!  
  
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Hermione and Catherine walked down from Ancient Runes to the Great Hall together.  
  
Catherine: Hey, haven't you noticed Malfoy acting a little strange lately?  
  
Hermione: Yeah, I think someone snuck love potion into his goblet.  
  
Catherine burst into a fit of giggles. You really think so?  
  
Hermione: Of course.  
  
Catherine shrugged as she gave it some thought.  
  
Catherine: So... I think Ron has the hots for you.  
  
Hermione: What's that?  
  
Catherine: Taken a fancy to you.  
  
Hermione: Really?  
  
Catherine: He only stares at you 24/7!  
  
Hermione: Can you keep a secret?  
  
Catherine: Yes!  
  
Hermione: I've loved Ron since 1st year.  
  
Catherine: Wow! Go get him girl!  
  
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Like it so far? Ha ha ha ha ha. Please review! I want 10 before the next chapter goes up. 


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